JUST BE THE BITCH…DARLING.
by David del Valle
|
The Cinema has on occasion been
rather wicked in unleashing upon an unsuspecting public a Pandora’s Box of dramatic
personalities whose faces light up the silver screen like no other, creating
impressions of altered states fraught with subtexts that might confound Freud
himself. The Polish character actor Vladek Sheybal had just such a
face, with a fascinating persona to match, leaving in his wake a gallery of
dazzling performances that shall not be forgotten. This delightfully decadent actor
made his entrance into my life thanks to the artistry of that brilliant if
not exceedingly eccentric English actor/director Lindsey Kemp. Lindsey
was a true renaissance man with abilities in all aspects of theater and film,
a perverse individual to be sure but a genius in all things outré and
fantastic in the theater. Lindsey had produced the infamous
ZIGGY STARDUST SHOWS for David Bowie during his glam rock period, as well as
acting in such cult films as THE WICKER MAN. Lindsey had created his own
bizarre vision of Oscar Wilde’s SALOME, and staged it at the Roundhouse
Theater on the Chalk Farm Rd in the outer regions of London. Vladek was honored with special
billing in this production and, not one to disappoint those people out there
in the dark, his first entrance as Herod was spectacular. Glittering in
gold lame and covered from head to toe in jewels and feathers, he succeeded
in channeling both Wilde and Josephine Baker in his performance, with more
than a nod to Genet. The theater was filled with the
fragrance of exotic incense. A combination of that with the Beardsley décor,
lit in smoky blues and reds, left me feeling like two pipes in an opium den,
in others words Oscar Wilde would have been in his element, appreciating this
kind of yellow book ambience, not to mention some of the more attractive members
of the cast. I was visiting London at the time
and the Roundhouse location was a bit out of the way, with the train as the
only transportation back into town. When the performance ended, most of
the cast, along with Lindsey, had a wine bar reception in the dressing rooms
behind the stage area, and I was invited to join them for a drink and to meet
the cast. Vladek was in his element as both teacher and star of the
company. I made a point of telling him that I came all the way from Los
Angeles to see this performance, as well as to meet with John Russell Taylor,
my then-editor at “Films and Filming” in London. Vladek was genuinely
moved and flattered with my sincerity, so we then went through more than one
bottle of Champagne, chatting and laughing away for well over two
hours. As the party was breaking up I realized that I had missed the
last train to London for the night and the possibility of finding a taxi was
almost non-existent at that hour. Vladek and one of the actors in the show
named David Haughton offered to drive me back into town. Later the next day I
received a call from Valdek inviting me out for dinner. We agreed on a time
and place, and Vladek suggested coming by the hotel to collect me. During our
conversation he asked how the hotel was treating me and I said considering I
arrived without notice I was just happy to get a room, even if the bath was
down the hall. I thought nothing more about confiding to Vladek about my tiny
accommodation without a bath until I was on my way down to the lobby.
As the elevator door opened I could hear the unmistakable voice of Vladek
Sheybal yelling at the desk clerk as he hit the counter with a very ornate
cane with a Dragon’s head made of gold.. “How dare you give my friend a
room without a bath, what do you expect him to do, urinate in the
sink??” Do you know who he is?? This is David Del Valle the famous
columnist from America….within minutes I was back in my room packing my
things for the move up to the seventh floor and my very own bathroom.
David Del Valle would not be urinating in the sink tonight…thanks to that
fabulous madman who decided to be my protector and confidant. His
parting advice was always “if you act like a star, then people will treat you
like a star.” Vladek lived by those words and most of the time it seemed to
work for him, although I think it helps enormously if you look and sound like
Vladek Sheybal.. Thus was the beginning of our
friendship, which would include more than one trip across the pond for both
of us in the years that followed. Vladek Sheybal achieved world
wide attention playing “Kronsteen”the chess master with ties to SPECTER in
Ian Flemings FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE. Vladek was always grateful for the
support he received from Sean Connery, who suggested Vladek to director
Terence Young. Vladek loved working with Lotte Lenya: “She was a
fantastic lady that I adored.” “You know of course I nearly said no
altogether to James Bond, It was Sean calling me personally at home telling
me ‘Look Vladek, Listen to me this is going to change the world. It’s a new
series, James Bond, and if you take part in it you are in a cult thing.’ So I
agreed to play the three scenes, including getting killed by Lotte’s lethal
shoe. My first day of work, Sean Connery was standing by the doorstep of
soundstage door and said “welcome to FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE.’ What a
sublime gesture and it made me feel like a star.” “The only sour note during the
filming was producer Harry Saltzman standing on-set trying to explain my part
to me and how it should be played. This went on for the better part of two
days until I had just taken all I was prepared to take from someone who knew
nothing about acting on screen or in the theater.” “At that time I felt confident
enough to behave like a star, so I told Harry, of his “suggestions” regarding
my acting, to allow Terence Young to do his job. Well Saltzman reminded me
that he was the producer of the film and I said to him “Well you provided the
money, but not the acting” and with that I walked off the set. Now
Lotte backed me up totally, but still I went to my dressing room and took off
my make-up and went home. Later that night Terence Young called and asked me
to return to the film and swore that I would not see Harry Saltzman on-set
again while I was working on FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE.”
Around 1984 I had made a few
trips to London, always finding the time to visit Vladek at his comfortable
digs on Farm House Rd (which had a pub conveniently on the corner) when he
confided to me that he was planning to teach acting classes in Stanislavski
in California. A few months later Vladek turned up at my flat in
Beverly Hills to watch WOMEN IN LOVE on tape, as he had not seen it in years.
He was more than pleased to see that I had in my archive several photos from
his films with Ken Russell, and made a point of sending me many others from
his then-busy career as a working actor. |
|
|
|
One of my favorite things to do
with movie actors was to watch their performances on tape with them.
Hopefully they would remember, perhaps for the first time, little tidbits
from the shooting, etc….Vladek recalled Glenda Jackson worrying endlessly
about her weight as she was seven months pregnant, and how it would
photograph. He indicated how much he was responsible for the subtext he
brought out of his character Loerke’s homosexuality, including his retelling
of Tchaikovsky’s horrific wedding night on the train that literally
foreshadowed an infamous sequence from Russell’s then yet-to-be- filmed
production of THE MUSIC LOVERS. Vladek was good friends with
Isabella Telezynska, who has already been profiled in last year’s “Queen
Mother” essay about her life in Hollywood in CAMP DAVID. He also acted
in Rome with Martine Beswicke in a very decadent film, ILL BACIO (1973). “I
play her slave and Martine gives a very wicked turn as a devil-worshiping,
drug-taking witch.” “Martine and I would wear outrageous costumes to orgies,
and we were invited to all of them at the time, during the shooting of that
film.” After we finished watching the
film, the subject turned once again to Vladek’s future - should he move to
Hollywood for a while? I suggested that he wait, as most of his work
came from Europe, and if he wanted to work in Hollywood it would most likely
be in television, and he was just too exotic for his own good in a place like
Hollywood. He weighed the prospects and wisely chose to remain in England.
Vladek tried on several
occasions, on my behalf, to locate film personalities for me to interview for
Films and Filming, which was still a prestige venue even as late as
1985. He tried to set up Jerzy Skolimowski and his wife Joanna, who
were great friends of his at the time. However our schedules never mixed and
we just never connected. As much as I adored DEEP END, we still have not done
our interview. By the time I was back in London
again Vladek had organized a little dinner party for me and kept the guest of
honor as a big surprise; however the biggest surprise was yet to
come. Vladek loved to cook and entertain for his friends, and
especially his mother who always cooked for him when she came to visit.
This was to be a special night, and for starters he prepared baked potatoes
filled with caviar and sour crème with the rest of the menu to be Polish
delights…. I arrived still not knowing what
celebrity was to be offered up for the evening’s surprise. Vladek answered
the door dressed all in white with a red silk belt around his waist looking
very ”Oh Calcutta”. As I walked through the door he said “You are in
for a real treat and our guest is already here.” Our “guest” turned out
to be the Indian producer Ismail Merchant who with his life partner, James
Ivory, created films the entire world has applauded for decades. Mr.
Merchant was a modest and charming man who put me at ease straight away by
telling me how much he loved reading Films and Filming over the years and
that as a boy, living in a village with one cinema that only opened once a
week, he lived for the movies, especially the glamorous Hollywood films of
Rita Hayworth. Vladek was beaming at the sight of us getting on so well
and we toasted the evening with Champagne and soon dinner was served. I
wish I could remember everything that was said that night, yet it was one of
those great evenings with no thoughts of tomorrow or taping interviews.
After Vladek’s amazing dinner, filled with gourmet delights (none of which
was good for you, no doubt) we continued our conversation with Brandy in
Vladeks living room, which was filled with his paintings and mementos from
all over the world. What happened next was the beginning of a classic
French farce. There was a knock at the door and when Vladek opened it, there
stood a London Bobby complete with the hat, who then without warning planted a
kiss right on Vladek’s mouth. “Sorry I didn’t call first, love, but I
am off as of ten minutes ago. Can I join the party?” This it turns out
was Vladek’s latest conquest. The story of how they met is still vague, but
believe me it was strange and very much in keeping with the master’s offbeat
lifestyle. However the best was yet to come
as the four of us sat down (with Ismail very amused at this point by the
current turn of events) trying to pick up where we left off, and there was
yet another knock at the door. This time it was not so amusing.
“Ismail I know you are in there so you might as well open the door…Ismail
what are you doing?” Vladek looked at Ismail Merchant who had gone very
pale and whispered “Oh my God its James; he’s found my appointment diary, and
he gets like this when he has had to much to drink. James hates when this
happens, that I go out on my own and keep him in the dark about
it” The knocking was still coming, with more pleading from the
other side of the door…”Let me in I want to meet your lovers, all of
them!!...Vladek was shocked at first, and then began to laugh as only he
could. “My God what does he think we doing in here anyway…Ismail go let James
in and we will explain that young Mr. David is your new conquest.”
“Very funny. Is there another way to get outside? I think it best that I take
him home.” So Vladek led Ismail Merchant out through the kitchen entrance so
he could walk around to the front door without letting the overwrought James
Ivory confront the three men inside, being much to tipsy to cope. To this day
I cannot see REMAINS OF THE DAY or any MERCHANT/IVORY production without
hearing the American half of that production company screaming “Let me in: I
want to meet ALL of your lovers.” Vladek became a great friend of
Bette Davis when he first came to Hollywood. She had just seen him in
FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE and became a fan as well as a mentor. He took all of
her advice to heart, including her now classic line, “Just be the bitch,
darling, and you will always have work, if not a cult following.” And
of course it was true.
One of Vladek’s favorite parts
was that of “Mr. Boogaloo” in the mind-numbing future/rock/disco film THE
APPLE (1980). Today this is a midnight cult film and, much like Ed Wood’s
PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE, is regarded as one of those so-bad-it-is-good
films. Vladek instinctively knew this film would be appreciated even
though it took several years after his death for it to happen.
In preparing this piece I began
to reread some of Vladek’s letters written to me over the years, remembering
what a loyal and generous spirit he was not only with me but anyone who came
into his orbit and made him laugh. Vladek Sheybal passed away
suddenly in his beloved flat off Farm House Rd in London on October 16th 1992 Vladek loved this line from THE
APPLE: “Life is just a Casino Royale.” He certainly knew how to
be….a…MASTER.
Since we are honoring the memory
of Vladek Sheybal in this installment I decided to put the spotlight on one
of Vladek’s favorite films, THE APPLE (1980), in which he had the most fun
singing and dancing, not to mention camping like there was no tomorrow, as
Mr. Boogaloo. THE APPLE is now regarded as a cult film in the grand
tradition of THE ROCKY HORROR SHOW, with fans that know all the lines and
dress up like characters out of the film (in other words everyone looks like
Boy George before the arrest). THE APPLE now enjoys midnight
screenings on both coasts. Vladek would have loved that fact that just this
past Halloween his character of “Mr. Boogaloo” was a favorite costume in the
Annual West Hollywood Halloween Costume parade. I recently heard that
there was also interest in making a Broadway musical out of it, so THE APPLE
lives on regardless of its vast array of detractors. If you have never seen, or much
less heard, of THE APPLE, be forewarned that you must either possess an
undying admiration for the aforementioned Mr. Sheybal or get a perverse
thrill from watching a film go horribly, gloriously wrong. If you do not see
yourself in this, then be advised to stay far away from this rapturously
hideous film. THE APPLE is “The Mt. Everest of
bad screen musicals.” When we discuss “bad films” that are so bad that they
are good, like PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE, the criteria is always the same,
it must be a film that was made by people who really had no idea what they
were doing wrong and most importantly never set out to make a bomb. Any
attempts by filmmakers to capture this essence deliberately always fails, and
rightly so. Now just how bad is THE APPLE?
Well it bites the big one, it blows, and it stinks on every level in every
department. The film is set in 1994 and was dated before the paint dried on
the flats laying about the soundstage. George S Clinton is partly
responsible for lyrics, like this charming ode to Meth addiction with
couplets like: AMERICA THE LAND OF THE FREE/IS SHOOTING UP WITH PURE
ENERGY/AND EVERY DAY SHE HAS TO TAKE MORRRRRRE SPEEEEEED/. This song is
staged with fey glam rock male dancers dressed in gay-bar leather outfits
that look like they were in a number cut from Friedkin’s CRUISING, if that
were ever to be made into a musical. The film’s premise is very old
fashioned, with that old chestnut the battle between good and evil being
waged by the good boy and girl singers versus the evil Rock Mogul and his
corrupt boy and girl singers. The sets and costumes defy description and bear
no resemblance to “futuristic” unless the future took place in Las Vegas with
disco and roller ball in vogue. I love the fact that the men’s
costumes have Joan Crawford shoulder pads with openings to expose their hairy
armpits; also most of the outfits are favoring that underwear-as-outerwear
look to no advantage. The budget really shows on the cars that populate this
film, as Cannon films was forced to glue wings and fins onto station wagons
to give them that 1994 futuristic look, whatever that means. One of my two favorite musical
numbers is the “Hell cave apple dance.” The evil boy singer, wearing a
bulging bejeweled codpiece, tries to get the good girl singer to take a bite
of the proverbial apple with more insane couplets like: IT’S NATURAL,
NATURAL, NATURAL DESIRE/ TO SEE AN ACTUAL, ACTUAL, ACTUAL VAMPIRE/.
While this is being sung, a Bride of Frankenstein clone bares her fangs into
the camera. This number looks like it belongs in that Broadway musical
SATAN”S ALLEY, in which John Travolta is supposed to be playing the lead
dancer, in Stallone’s film STAYING ALIVE. You know, Sly was working at Cannon
Films at the time…I wonder?
Anyway this train wreck of a
movie keeps moving down the tracks with boy loses girl to evil promoter, to
boy hallucinates at evil promoters penthouse party while a Donna Summer
inspired disco number turns into a sex scene which unfolds with yet more gay
dancers wearing silver jock straps dry humping girl dancers for the duration
on spinning beds while the evil girl singer moans the lyrics to ‘I’M COMING
FOR YOU’ and those lyric’s are not to be believed for how explicit they were
for the times. What Ken Russell could have done with this material boggles
the mind. Eventually this film does come to
an end when all the good hippies who hate rock, and especially disco,
confront the evil promoter/Satan and are miraculously saved by MR. TOPPS,
dressed in white and played by Joss Ackland (with a great sense of presence,
or maybe just nerve) channeling the almighty, and seen earlier as a GODSPELL
version of Santa Claus (if he took drugs). All the “Children of Love” -
another song... don’t ask - are transported to another planet in (now get
this) a long white pimpmobile in the sky. THE END. A Cannon
Film…. I loved this story when I heard
it …it appears that on opening night of THE APPLE in Hollywood at the
PARAMONT THEATER when the film ended the audience threw their complementary
soundtracks directly at the screen damaging it in the process. Those
Soundtrack albums are now sought after collector’s items on EBay. Also from
the Twilight Zon,e the young lead, George Gilmore, who was kind of sexy in
his near nude scenes but couldn’t act his way in or out of a jock strap, was
never heard from again. Greetings from the Glitter dome….TAKE A BITE.
|
This article is used with the very kind permission of the author David del Valle and
was originally published in the March
2007
article, JUST BE THE BITCH…DARLING at Films in Review www.filmsinreview.com/Features/CampDavid/campdavidMar07-01.html
This article is
used here for educational use and as an archive only. The original article
(where available) is
linked to.All
text/images are copyright ©2008 their original owners and no other copyright is
implied or claimed.
Got a better image, information or
something I’m missing or I have wrong?
Like to add something? See the Contact Me page on the main
menu
